My Deepest Thoughts…or are they?

 
 
 
** If you own a pair of cats, you’ll never be frightened by things that go bump in the night **
 
** So where does the little red thingie go when the olive ripens **
 
** I believe in keeping my friends close and letting my enemies know that I could snap at any minute **
 
** An old saying goes something like “A beautiful thing is never perfect”, but I say that Perfection is always a beautiful thing **
 
** We were born with 1 tongue and 2 ears. So why is it that most people I’ve met in my life speak a lot more than they listen. **
 
** When what you want doesn’t happen, try a big juicy rationalization **
 
** When does Elvis ever get into the building? **
 
** A wounded spirit will always infect the heart **
 
**  If life is a highway, I would like to begin repaving the roads  **
 
** Woman is to Grape as Man is to Banana **
 
** No one ever asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  Was it that obvious?  **
 

Chapter 2
 
** Call me Crazy **
 
**  Everyday is not a blessing….some days are pure Hell **
 
**  If you want to be reminded that you’re still alive, just read the Obituaries  **
 
**  Life is dreams that are re-directed  **
 
**  Enough really is never enough  **
 
**  I hope to reach the age when it’s appropriate to say ‘at my age’  **
 
**  Celebrate life if your major concern is being out of milk  **
 
**  I once tried making my money work for me, but my boss called me back into work after only a couple of days  **
 

**  It’s always 3am in the deep, dark recesses of your soul. **
 

** Beauty may be skin-deep, but Love will lead you to the Soul. **
 
** I once tried to get too much…but I stopped because I got tired.  I ended up with just much.  **
 
** Behind every able man, there’s a woman kicking him in the ass **
 
** If your strength is small, don’t carry heavy burdens.  If your words are worthless, shut the heck up!  **
 
** Someone that sleeps too much probably is a dreamer **
 
** Whoever said that the journey is the reward never got to kick their kids out of the house  **
 
** Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for the day.  Teach a man to fish and he’ll borrow all your worms.  **
 
** You never have to predict your future if you create it **
 
** Want to learn to hate war?  Send your kids off to one **
 
** I’ve heard it said that it’s better to be wise than to be smart.  This might be true, but I’ve never met a stupid wise person.  **
 
Chapter 3
 
** The sooner we wake up and smell the coffee, the sooner we’ll have to wash the dishes **
 
** To make a great omelet, you need to satisfy a few chickens**

** With only one eye, I can still see the way and with no eyes, I can still see the light  **
** Tornadoes have always hated trailers and always will **