The Case of the Disappearing Garbage

OK, so this is a dumb story, but I wrote it so I guess that if you’ve accidentally stumbled upon this page then you might feel obliged to read through it just to see how dumb it is.  I wrote this a couple years ago as a Facebook post – I must have been very bored one night.

I have a very unusual and eerie tale to tell.  This is a true story that I feel I can no longer keep to myself; I have to share.

Way back in 1978 I was married.  My wife and I lived in an apartment complex in a small town in Ohio.  I was very young and naive, unschooled in the ways of the world or even in the ways of small town living away from the care of parents.  We would purchase groceries at a local supermarket.  Quite a lot of the groceries came in containers – packages or cans and we would open these up, eat the food and then what remained we would pitch into a small plastic pail that was kept underneath our kitchen sink.  Eventually the pail became full and the contents began to have an unpleasant smell.  I saw one of our neighbors one day and I asked her what she did with her leftover packages and cans and she said, “oh you mean your garbage…you carry it out and toss it over there in that big brown dumpster”.  So I did.  Problem solved…or so I thought.  Read on if you dare…

Eventually we moved into a new apartment complex and sure enough, it had a big brown dumpster too.  So about once a week I would walk downstairs with my plastic pail and I would lift the lid to the big brown dumpster and I would proceed to empty the contents of my pail into the big brown dumpster.  Life was good.  Groceries were being consumed and my “garbage” was going into the big brown dumpster.  All with the world was right.  Several years later though, after a couple of tiny humans emerged from my wife’s baby, (I’ve still yet to figure out how that one happened), we decided our modest apartment was no longer of adequate size.  These tiny humans also consumed groceries and the garbage kept coming (they also produced some other gross garbage of their own, but I will omit those details as they are not germane to my story today).  So we moved into a larger living unit called a house.

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