The Case of the Disappearing Garbage

Well, we began filling up the big brown can again and this time it took only about 2 weeks to build up a putrid smell.  As it turned out, one of the tiny humans that came out of my wife’s body just did not know how to use the toilet.  We were buying these tiny disposable garments and placing them over the orifice where the stinky stuff was coming from, but the tiny humans were filling up the disposable garments about as quickly as we could put them over their tiny orifices.  Once again, I hauled out the can to the street curb and once again when I got home that day I noticed that our brown can contents had been taken from the premises.  I wasn’t angry or upset.  After all, I was going to toss everything into a big brown dumpster.  I decided that if this guy wanted my garbage that badly, I was going to let him take it.  So I kept leaving our can out on the curb.  In fact, I started leaving out 1 can per week and I actually noticed that no matter what day of the week I left it out, the thief would return only on Thursdays.  It got to a point to where I could depend on his coming in on every Thursday, so I started leaving the can out on the curb every Wednesday evening.

Several years went by until the company I worked for asked me to move to a new state.  I wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but this company was putting money into a bank account for me and that money is what I was using to buy the groceries with.  I figured that if I wanted to continue buying groceries, I had better do what they asked of me.  So we moved to Louisiana.  We got settled in but I did not see any big brown dumpsters, nor any big brown cans.  We didn’t have a garage but we did have an outdoor shed where we stored our lawn mower.  It was there that I noticed a big blue can.  Being the smart guy that I am, I quickly deduced that the previous owners must have used that blue can to collect their garbage (I had noticed some stains in it that looked very similar to my own stains back in Ohio).  Reader – please note that I didn’t even have to check in with my smart wife on this one!  By the time we moved to Louisiana the 2 small humans that came out of my wife’s body had grown pretty large.  More and more groceries were being consumed at our house and the blue can was filling up quickly.  Deciding that it was time to empty the can, once again I set it out near my curb.  Now I know you readers are not going to believe this part, but the strange man in Ohio that stole our garbage, (I assume it was a man), followed us 900 miles to Louisiana and began the weekly cycle all over again!  I kid you not!  Nine hundred miles away from Ohio and this guy found us.  Why us?  What’s so special about our garbage?  Oh well, as long as he’s not removing it and throwing it at my house, I guess it’s ok.  Use it in good health, strange man.

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