Big Fat Slob (a song parody)

Sing to the tune of Jimmy Dean’s Big Bad John


Every evenin’ at Coldstone you could see him arrive
He stood four-foot-six and weighed two-forty-five
Kinda round at the shoulder and broad at the hip
And everybody knew to give an extra dip to Big Slob
(Big Slob, big Slob)
Big fat Slob (big Slob)

Nobody seemed to know where Slob ate dinner
When he came to town he was far much thinner
He didn’t say much, kinda quiet and shy
And every other day he’d eat lunch at Popeyes – Big Slob

Somebody said he came from New Orleans
But the sad truth was he was born in Queens
He can hold a thousand fries with his huge right hand
Eats them all at once while he sits in his van, big Slob
(Big Slob, big Slob)
Big fat Slob (big Slob)

Then came the day at the end of a line
When they ran out of French fries and kids started cryin’
People were prayin’ and hearts beat fast
And everybody thought that they’d eaten their last, ‘cept Slob

Through the grease and the smoke of this man-made hell
Walked a giant of a man that McDonald’s knew well
Grabbed a sack of potatoes a peeler and a pan
Shaved a million in no time like Edward Scissorhands, big Slob
(Big Slob, big Slob)
Big fat Slob (big Slob)

And with all of his strength he gave a mighty shove
Then he yelled out, “someone give me a fryer’s glove”
And twenty kids scrambled from the plastic-ball cave
‘Cause they knew those fries would be all the rave, big Slob

The moms and dads all avoided the Clown
Got in the line and laid their money down
Smoke and gas belched out just like a magician
Everyone got fries and got to feed their addictions, thanks to Slob
(Big Slob, big Slob)
Big fat Slob (big Slob)

They never did reopen that hamburger store
Now it’s sort of a shrine, just a thing of folklore
These few words are written on the door
Big Slob ate all the fries and there just ain’t no more

Big Slob
(Big Slob, big Slob)
Big fat Slob (big Slob)
(Big Slob) big fat Slob